Friday, 8 March 2013

Women - we rock. Right?

It's International Women's Day, so I feel I should post something. Problem is, I'm not feeling that great about being a woman at the moment. In fact, it sucks, quite a bit. I am usually one for extolling the virtues of womanhood, how wonderful it is that we are the more emotionally mature and aware sex, that we form such strong friendships and that we are the lynchpin holding our families together. 

But friendship has been a big let-down for me lately. And although I love motherhood, the pregnancy bit sucks big hairy balls. Here it is probably relevant that I am pregnant again. 16 weeks. I have not told many people, just a few select friends and family. 

It's been a very tense few months and this pregnancy has felt quite different from my other two. Firstly, I had morning sickness, which I never really experienced before. That was fun. But I didn't actually vomit so I guess I shouldn't grumble. I was also extreeeeemely grumpy. Like PMS on a royal scale. My poor husby copped the worst of it I'm afraid. At one point he commented on my mood and I said, sorry the baby doesn't like you. Harsh, I know. 

And now the hormones are playing havoc with my skin. I have always had dry skin, but this is beyond a joke. In the last few weeks every last drop of moisture evacuated my face. It looks and feels like the Sahara desert. My wrinkles are not only emphasised, they are multiplied. I have wrinkles on my wrinkles. I also think I have the beginnings of SPD, a pleasant condition where the ligaments in your groin separate to the point of agony when you walk or move your legs at all. Not to mention the hemorrhoids. I won't even go into what giving birth to my son did to me - he doesn't need to read about it one day in the archives of the intermawebs. Of course, I'd do it all again to get my son. Just like I'll got through all this "fun" to have another.

I just feel like a bit of a failure as a woman. As a stay at home mum, I don’t cook, bake, garden, sew, or even clean that much. I know that women shouldn’t be expected to do all that, but since I don’t work anymore I feel like I should be good at at least one traditional feminine characteristic.

And, on that note, I had an OB appointment yesterday and my Doc took a look between the legs. The baby's, not mine. He thinks I’m having a girl. This leaves me conflicted. I was thrilled at first. Because I have a crazy, Energiser Bunny boy already and, having lost a baby boy, I thought the fact that it was a girl would help me not to draw comparisons as much. Plus I want a baby that will return all my affection, as my son has only just started doling out kisses and cuddles and he’s pretty stingy with them. And of course I dream of having a daughter to shop with, chat with and maybe one day understand what being her mum was like.

All of that aside, knowing how shit being a woman can be, I wouldn’t really wish it on my child. Growing up with body issues; teasing or bullying over her looks; monthly periods; pressure to be sexy and have sex, but be smart and have a career; and then go through all this crap to have her own family. Ugh. I am sure I am overthinking it all.

Especially since the Doc said he was only 60% sure it was a girl, which considering the odds are 50/50 means he’s only 10% sure. 

Gah. I'm off to eat a Cornetto.

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